I’m tired of time travel, I
Rather stay here with my
Welcome back to another installment of Takemetotheheights.com! The last time I typed those words was back in October. To be completely honest with you, I didn’t feel ready to come back into this space. Aside from my imposter syndrome creeping through like a thief in the night, there were the moments where I felt worried about coming back and writing. Was I gonna delve deeper? (in knowing I shared this space with all of you for so long?) Better yet, how much was I willing to address/divulge with the readers?
Well, in full transparency, it took some time for me to come back to this particular space as work/school began to pile up and I found myself making excuses as to why I didn’t write ( I don’t have enough time, I don’t feel ready, what if I’m saying too much? what if this isn’t enough?)But I knew early on as I ventured into 2023, I would immerse myself into my work all through winter to avoid any repressed feelings I had at the time about coming into April.
Those new here, April will always hold a special place in my heart, as that marks another birthday where I reminisce and think about my mom. I remember the wave of emotions I felt in writing about losing a loved one, but I couldn’t fathom the ripple effect it would have in my life as I got older. During that time at 27 years old, I spent most of it learning how to navigate the world (as best as I could) through my waves of isolation. Who would’ve known back then I was trying my hardest to tap in and figure out my needs?
Fast forward to my thirties, I still have those moments where I crave those convos with my mom all over again especially as I relish in my new norm, honoring all that I’ve accomplished in hitting certain milestones in my life (like going back to school, starting a business, and building the life I’ve always envisioned for myself thankfully)
But those thoughts aside, I knew it was time for me to unpack a bit more here. I remember back to when/why I started this site. It served as a safe space for me to unload and release anything that I needed to, so I no longer felt compelled to continue to carry the at times heavy burden of my repressed thoughts and feelings about my mom.
As I got older, and life began to change, this site became my safe haven. A place for me to dispel my truth and not be worried about how anyone would feel about it. It was essentially an open diary for me where I allowed myself to flow through any emotion that came about.
I ultimately began rediscovering the power in expressing my vulnerability. No longer having the bandwidth/nor the desire in dismissing any of my feelings especially in a space that I’ve cultivated and nurtured over the years for myself and in turn with the readers.
So I mention all of this as I ground myself/tap back in to redefine what these moments of reflection and thoughts about my mom mean to me. How I’ve been able to share these particular moments with you (as gracefully as I could) and the power behind sharing more of me, (after all of these years) with you means to me. How I’m redefining what expression looks like for me during these moments. And all the more I’ll continue to release as I honor these instances where I remove another layer of myself and reveal more of me through my words.
All in all, I am incredibly grateful to come back to a space that will always be home for me. So here’s to redefining my vulnerability, and not being afraid to do so, in all ways, always.
With peace and love,