“You push me past my own capacity….” Sza
Hey and welcome back to Takemetotheheights.com! It feels incredible to be back with another blog post. To be completely honest, I didn’t think this post would see the light of day as private and reflective I am in my own time. But, I knew I’d be doing a disservice to myself if I didn’t take the opportunity to let go and share with you what I experienced in a previous relationship. So yea, in hindsight I will discuss about me breaking up/calling it quits in a past experience, but tap more into what happened as I found myself losing sight of all that I was becoming at the time.
I’m gonna back track a bit so please bare with me. Now I don’t usually delve into my personal life here, but for the sake of being more intentional with you, it only seemed right to give you the opportunity to get to know me a bit more, in this particular light. Having written a post back in my twenties in talking about a previous relationship, I only touched on what the ripple effect felt like for me. Fast forward to my thirties, as I grow more reflective in my choices while dating, I knew towards the end of that relationship, it no longer served me in the way that I initially envisioned. The honey moon phase was over, and I began to see this person in a completely different light.
I found myself wanting to stay with a person for the sake of saying I was with someone. ( I know, that sounds ridiculous looking back now) I should’ve walked away when things didn’t go as I thought they would. When I first got wind of the cheating, it was honestly the furthest thing on my mind as I was under the impression that the level of closeness was honest and sincere between the two of us. Yet, I am reminded that people will tell you about themselves the first time around in their actions, behaviors and what they ultimately talk about.
But in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise. Throughout that entire ordeal, I knew I deserved so much better for myself, but I was reminded of that familiar feeling of when I initially got with the individual and for my own ridiculous reasons, I stayed a few months after (I know, I know. Now before y’all yell at me hear me out) No there’s no excuse, but when that familiar feeling began to feel comforting, part of me was beginning to believe that this was indeed my man (in my Yung Miami voice) and that maybe I’d be able to get over that hurdle. I was wrong.
When I decided to stay, I felt stuck. Like I’d been put in quick sand, with no way out. Part of me knew I had the opportunity to just walk away, but the literal thought of starting over with someone else, frightened me back then. It was then on when I realized I was losing sight on the most important person throughout that experience. I was losing sight on me. I no longer was doing the things like coming here and sharing a space with you or reaching out to the people that mattered the most to me during that time. When I was ultimately handed an ultimatum (child, I know smh) it was time for me to walk away once and for all (ungracefully but I’ve learned) it was at that moment I knew how much more I’ll gain from walking away from a person/experience that never really deserved my time nor my energy.
I touch on this particular moment because I am reminded in just how empowered I feel when I give myself the grace to walk away from situations, experiences and people who bring me out of my character or even put me in predicaments to question my own judgement. I’ve learned the power in letting go but how much more powerful I feel in knowing I gave myself the choice in choosing the latter and reaffirming all of who I am and all of who I am becoming in choosing myself, over and over again.
I’d be doing a disservice to myself if I stayed in experiences or situations, where people are not doing the inner work in wanting to become better versions of themselves. I’d be limiting myself if I chose stagnancy. With all that I’ve accomplished at the time, I stopped taking in the moments to tap into gratitude, or even focus on my needs.
But looking back, I am grateful that often times in moments like what I experienced, allowed me to really delve deep and figure out what I deem as acceptable for me.
As I continue to course through the dating scene (I’ll save the updates for another day) I am reminded with how important it is for me to continue to extend the grace back to myself but also remember that I owe it to myself to continue to put my needs before anything and anyone else.
Before I end this post, I want to thank you for taking the time for coming back and checking out another piece, here at Takemetotheheights.com. Let me know how do you navigate through breakups/tap back in to your needs? Be sure to leave me your thoughts in the reply section, and as always, I’ll catch you in the next post!
With peace and love,